


Iwa nins are brutes

by SweetAlphaChild



Category: Naruto
Genre: Action, Fights, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-06
Updated: 2018-08-06
Packaged: 2019-06-22 21:11:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15590793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweetAlphaChild/pseuds/SweetAlphaChild
Summary: As he knows Iwagakure better than anyone else in the Akatsuki, Deidara and Tobi come back to the Land of Earth to capture the five tails.





	Iwa nins are brutes

"What are you so happy about?" Deidara asked.

They had been flying in silence for a while, until his partner started humming some song.

"Well, I noticed that after we catch the gobi, me and you will have captured two tailed beasts! That's more than the rest of the Akatsuki, which means we're cooler than them. Besides, I get to see Deidara-senpai's homeland again!" Tobi gushed.

Deidara was, from all the Akatsuki members the one that knew Iwa better, therefore he got given the mission to go and retrieve the five tails.

"That is true," Deidara deadpanned, of course his art was superior. "But remember we're here on an important mission, we have to focus. Don't go buy dango in the middle of the fight like you did last time, hm!"

"That would depend on how hungry I feel you see," after giving him a warning look, his body language turned nervous. "Just kidding, just kidding!" 

The thing was, that Deidara didn't know much about Han either. He wasn't someone that enjoyed socialising. Most people were afraid of him and he, with his cold and rude attitude, didn't do much to win the villagers' affection. However, Deidara had seen him fight and knew that he was, no pun intended, a fucking beast. That heavy armor was reputed to be unbreakable, and he was also incredibly fast. He couldn't wait to see if that fame lived to be true. If there was someone who could destroy it, that was him. He liked challenges.

On the bright side, his misanthropy had led him to settle outside the village. Han hated so much the human race that he allowed his tailed beast to possess him in order to start trouble if someone did or said something that bothered him. The fact that he wasn't too loved only benefited them, so they wouldn't have two villages moving heaven and earth in search of retaliation as happened when he captured the first jinchuuriki, although being no less than the fifth kazekage and all that had also influenced. About the five tails, maybe he would even do them a favor by taking him away.

Ryu-chan, as Tobi had named his massive C2 dragon, hovered over the rugged geography of the Land of Earth. From the heights they had a perfect view of the landscape, blue lines crossing forests, mountains and valleys, flocks of birds in formation flying under them. Undoubtedly, it was a beautiful place.

Deidara descended when they were approaching Iwa.

"There's where the jinchuuriki lives," he said pointing to a lonely black pagoda embedded in the mountain, he doubted that Tobi could see it, because from that height only his lens made that possible, but it would give him an estimate position where they should be working. "You know what to do, hm."

"Yessir!" Tobi exclaimed, saluting.

Making the appropriate seals, Deidara made Ryu-chan to spit out a small-scale dragon, which was full of bombs that his partner had to bury in a radius around the pagoda. Tobi jumped to the small dragon and descended on it while Deidara watched him circling from that height, adjusting his lens to get a good view of what Tobi was doing as he went down.

Upon landing on the ground, Deidara caused the dragon to transform into a pile of ball-shaped white owls that his partner immediately started to bury. Tobi showed him a thumbs up when he finished, after which Deidara sent another small dragon to pick him up before making the seals of the snake and ox to activate them. Any movement on them could detonate them now.

"All ready, hm," he muttered to himself before plunging over the pagoda.

That tingling of enthusiasm at the prelude of a battle against a strong opponent was one of his favorite sensations.

Ryu-chan opened her jaws to drop hundreds of small C1 animals. The shrill whistle of falling bombs drowned out all the other sounds of the mountain for a few brief seconds.

"Katsu!" he shouted before they touched the ground, right at the pagoda's height.

As usual, he couldn't take his eyes off that beautiful sight of light and sound that would only last a few seconds. No matter how many times he witnessed it, no two explosions were alike. The dragon Tobi was in ascended again among the plumes of smoke above the destruction. Deidara extended an arm to help him back into Ryu-chan's back.

"Senpai, down there!" Tobi shouted, pointing at Han, who was climbing beyond the smoke, propelling himself with steam. The surprise attack had managed to form cracks in his right leg. Otherwise, it was still intact.

"Mmmh, not bad at all," Deidara mumbled, impressed. "Brace yourself. He's fast."

Another small dragon came out of the bigger one's jaws and he sent both after the jinchuuriki. The way he cut them in half and took a sharp turn up to escape the explosion impressed Deidara.

"His strong point is in his armor. If we break it it will be easy to defeat him. That's what we should focus on, hm!"

He dodged the jinchuuriki that had thrown himself at them at great speed, using himself as a rotating projectile. Ryu-chan veered sharply into the air, pulling away from his path. Tobi clung to Deidara's shoulders to keep from falling.

"Deidara from the Bakuha Butai..." Han spat, appearing out of nowhere in front of them and throwing a punch at his face that he barely dodged.

"Ha. I see I'm still remembered up here. I'm Deidara from the Akatsuki now, if you don't mind, hm."

He knew that the jinchuuriki had an amazing maneuvering power, counteracting the inertia from his blows by propelling himself with the steam coming from his armor. That's why, as soon as Han passed by, Deidara knew that he was going to use his steam to reverse and kick them in the head to throw them out the dragon. He took Tobi's hand to hide them both inside Ryu-chan, replacing them with two of the clay clones he already had created inside the dragon.

"Got him..."

The harsh jolt and muffled detonation let him know that the clones had exploded, but inside the dragon they would be protected. His C2 was reinforced against the nature of his own explosions. Deidara came back to the surface, followed by Tobi. They were immersed in a cloud of smoke and a strong scent of gunpowder lingered in the air. He made the dragon ascend to get a better idea of what was happening when he saw some pieces of Han's red armor malfunctioning, throwing steam in all directions as the jinchuuriki sank into emptiness.

"Did you see that, Tobi!? We really are the best, hm!" He said with a sadistic smile on his face, looking down.

"Er... If he hits the floor from this height he'll die and leader-sama will get very angry at us," Tobi reminded him.

"Nothing to worry about, we're quite high, we have time."

Ryu-chan plummeted, making Tobi scream and cling to Deidara again for dear life. He grabbed one of the protruding scales on the dragon's back, too busy feeling the rush of adrenaline to worry about his partner. He knew he'd be all right anyway.

"Senpaaai I think you tilted it too much, we're going to fall!"

In a few seconds they had already surpassed Han's body, and placing himself under the jinchuuriki, he fell on the clay dragon. Without losing a second, Deidara molded a huge centipede that curled around his body, immobilizing him.

"We must remove the rest of the armor. It's rumored that it still has secrets that nobody knows, we can't risk it, hm, "he explained.

Approaching him, he removed the boot that was left, the broken helmet and loose remains of his heavy reddish mailcoat. It was hard to see people as stocky as him. He was a real mass of muscles, an achievement that he was able to move at such speed. Maybe he should reinforce the explosive ties. Just in case... And while creating a couple more of centipedes, he lowered his guard. Han turned his head, fixing his red eyes on him.

"Oh, you're still conscious after my clones exploded on you... That armor is amazing. It was, rather."

The jinchuuriki's eyes began to delineate in red, his pupils turned blue and a black line appeared from the corner of his lips to his ear, like a macabre smile.

"Shit..."

Deidara's new centipede climbed over his body and curled around his neck, suffocating him. But it was not enough. The transformation took its course without either of them being able to do anything. An orange coat was enveloping him, making the five tails sprout.

"What a powerful chakra! Senpai, maybe your bombs won't be enough!" Tobi said.

"Shut up! We can't fail this mission, we will capture him no matter what!" Deidara cut him off, angry that his partner doubted his art.

Threads of red and black chakra enveloped Han's body, so much energy caused the clay centipedes to disintegrate and he jump into the void. Deidara sent Ryu-chan to chase him.

"I'm going to have to combine the power of Ryu-chan with the C3... This is going to draw too much attention, it's going to be a problem when Iwa ninjas start coming, but I have no choice. We'll control the beast before they arrive."

Preparing himself to use a large portion of his chakra reserves, Deidara molded the small winged sculpture, which increased considerably in size when thrown. As it fell, the dragon opened its mouth to spit out more C1 sculptures. The idea was to make them explode in two batches. First the C1 that fell faster, then the main course. His plan had to be modified when five giant red tails appeared in the air trying to hit the dragon. Deidara surfed between them, hardly dodging them over and over again while holding Tobi so as not to lose him in an oversight.

"Katsu!"

The first explosions took place, causing the jinchuuriki to jump into the air to avoid them, just at the moment when the explosion of the C3 illuminated the area with a blinding light. Tobi covered his ears to muffle the noise as Deidara tried to observe through the smoke what had happened. He preferred to keep a safe distance even though he was sure that the bomb had hit the jinchuuriki, it was a technique that had rarely disappointed him.

When the dust finally dissipated, he could see that a wooded area had been totally washed away. The jinchuuriki was in the center, lying on the ground. He had lost his chakra coat and that fierce and intense killing intent had disappeared. Ryu-chan landed on the floor and the artist, jumping to the floor, went to the unconscious body. His eyes were still open, his pupils still blue.

"You still resist, hm?" He said somewhat fed up.

"You mortals are so annoying... What do you want from me?" He said.

And he knew it was not the jinchuuriki's voice. It was the five-tailed beast's voice.

"Interesting," he murmured, recreating several clay centipedes. "You can own the body of your container as well as nothing. Whoever sealed you didn't do a good job."

He laughed.

"This has nothing to do with the seal that binds me to this human. My vessel lets me own him completely at my whim and whenever I want. I felt that there was a fight and I decided to go out and have fun for a while. Now tell me. What do you want from me?"

"Our organization is gathering the nine tailed beasts," Deidara explained, making sure he couldn't move.

He had created so many ties that the only thing visible from the jinchuuriki was his head.

"An ambitious plan, and tell me Deidara, out of mere curiosity... Why are you looking for us?"

"It's very simple, every time a nation wants to use your power, it will have to pay us a large sum of money. As a humble artist I don't understand too much about monetary issues, but the task allows me to express myself freely, hm."

"I see. You know... I've been sitting here in this vessel for too long, maybe what you propose is fun. It's been a long time since I killed any human. I'll go with you, "the five tails said.

"I'm not going to untie you," Deidara said, who had learned not to trust individuals with such fickle loyalties.

"It won't be necessary... I will behave."

"-Deidara-senpai! HELP!"

Hearing Tobi's scream, he spun around to find him held by the armpits by a huge stone golem. A few meters above, levitating, there was a squad of Iwa nins, led by someone he knew very well.

"Hello Deidara!" The stocky, smiling boy said in a friendly voice. "I haven't seen you since the last time Onoki-sama hired you. How are you?"

"Akatsuchi! Release Tobi right now, hm!" He shouted, clenching his fists.

Busy with the jinchuuriki, he had forgotten about Tobi.

"I'd like to... But I'm carrying out orders, I'm sorry my old friend... You have to come more often! We miss you!"

And saying that, they went away taking the dumbass that let himself be caught offguard. An intense anger started to boil within him, so strong that it made him shake.

"Damn!" He screamed at the top of his voice. "I didn't want to attack the village! I really didn't but if you don't let him go, not even the foundations will remain!"

"Save me, senpai!" He heard him say in the distance.

"TOBI! DAMMIT!" Almost forgetting the jinchuuriki, Deidara climbed back on Ryu-chan's back, his face was completely red and his clenched jaw started to hurt. "I'm going to blow them up to dust! I'm going to blow them all up, damn it!"

Jumping, the five tails followed him.

"Hey, do not leave me here abandoned like an useless rag! I don't wanna miss this!" He exclaimed, his pride hurt by being ignored.

The dragon's gigantic wings stirred once more, making them gain height while inside Deidara's mind one and a thousand ways to erase Iwagakure of the face of the Earth passed at the speed of light. That fool... How did he get caught up like that?

Another familiar face appeared in front of them, blocking their way with a great gush of grayish lime that completely covered Ryu-chan's head. Recognizing her at once, Deidara stepped back to a distance that he considered safe. He knew that her next step was to wet the lime with a stream of water to make it spread quickly and catch them. He wasn't going to give her that opportunity.

"Kurotsuchi...!" He barked, watching the girl who looked back at him wary, with crossed arms.

Obviously she had been sent to delay them.

"Deidara-nii, it was really you," she said in a low voice, raising her chin. "At first I thought that grandad hired you again for a mission... But now I see you came here looking for trouble. So let me tell you that if that's what you're looking for, you're going to find it!"

"That old fart... He hasn't even deigned to come himself. He'll pay for underestimating me like this!"

"His back was killing him today," she said, shrugging. "If not, believe me he would have come here to greet you. He's regretting not being able to tell you in person how foolish you are."

"Release Tobi right now!" He demanded.

She raised an eyebrow, looking at him with curiosity.

"Since when do you care about others?" She asked, her eyes fixed on Han, covered in clay and unarmored. "You take Han, we take your partner. It seems fair to me."

"If you don't do it, you'll be sorry!" He threatened.

"Try it. We'll be there waiting for you. Tell your boss that a parchment with the amount of the ransom for that Tobi guy will arrive soon," after that, she smiled. "See you soon, Deidara-nii! I hope next time you visit us you'll behave better!"

She left levitating, leaving him even more pissed off than before.

"I DO NOT PLAN TO GO EASY ON YOU FOR THE OLD TIMES! DID YOU HEAR ME!?"

Deidara set course for Iwagakure at full speed. He was going to spend all his chakra if necessary. He would rescue Tobi, and then he would throw them his C4 as he left, his secret technique. He reserved it especially for Itachi, but no one was going to laugh at him in his own face.

"Listen! Aren't you rushing a bit? You don't even have a defined plan," the five tails said.

"Shut up, hm!"

"But I can lend you my power, I always wanted to destroy that damn village myself... What do you say?"

He was trying to tempt him, and Deidara knew that a trap was hidden in his words. Once loose, the five tails wouldn't be loyal to him. The offer, however, was succulent.

But then he saw him, sitting on a rock under them eating dango as if nothing. He blinked several times, to make sure it wasn't a genjutsu.

"Hey, senpai! Down here!" He said waving.

Even without fully believing it, he descended so that he could join them. He was still upset, but seeing him safe left him more relaxed.

"Tobi! What the fuck...!? They caught you! How...?" He said, shaking him by the shoulders.

"It's true that I was captured," he said, pulling his mask back a little to continue eating, "but then I got bored of being captured and went to have a snack instead."

He looked at him perplexed. Just like that, he had grown bored of being captured. Was Tobi even real? It wasn't how things worked, but with Tobi everything was possible. It wasn't the first time that surprised him. And it wasn't that easy to surprise Deidara.

"Anyway," he went on, pointing at Deidara with the dango stick. "Where were you going so fast? To rescue me?"

He heard the five tails laughing.

"He said he couldn't lose the love of his life to Iwa," he scoffed.

"Senpai seriously said that!? What a thrill!" He exclaimed, pretending to hide an imaginary blush on his mask.

"What are you talking about, you filthy beast!? I never said such a thing!"

"And now I guess you want some privacy and stuff..."

That was the last thing Deidara could endure from the five tails before he made the jinchuuriki's body sink into the clay of his C2 back so he couldn't finish the sentence.

Tobi pulled Deidara to himself, wrapping him into a tight hug.

"Deidara-senpai, I was so scared...! Iwa nins are brutes!"

"Ten seconds ago you seemed to have had a lot of fun, going for a walk and buying dango," protested Deidara, but still complaining, he returned the hug. "Did you bring me one? No, is not it?"

"I didn't have enough money," he said in a sad voice. "But it wasn't that tasty anyway. Although... I can give you a thank you kiss.

Without waiting for his answer, he turned the mask and wrinkled his lips, waiting to receive his kiss. Deidara, who was still annoyed because his brilliant rescue plan couldn't be carried out, let out a small grunt. He was dying to please his wishes, but he wasn't going to do it. Maybe in the night. The five tails wasn't that mistaken after all. A few more seconds passed until he approached him to give him a brief kiss on the cheek and replace the mask before turning and away from him.

"Senpai! That's not the kind of kiss I was referring to!"

"You didn't specify, hm," he answered coldly, but smiling at the same time, seeing Tobi so frustrated.

"Oh, come on! Senpai is so cruel!"

"I know."

"Very, very, very cruel."

"True."

"Iwa nins are brutes!"

"Tobi! Don't overdo it!"

**Author's Note:**

> I really love to write about Iwa. And I really love writing about Deidara and Tobi fighting together. This is one of the first oneshots I wrote, around march 2017. I craved to see them fighting so I thought what if they just got sent to get the gobi instead of fighting Sasuke and they never get to fight Sasuke? :D  
> Also I love Deidara's old team so of course I had to add them. I imagine Deidara wanting them to hate and fear him, but they're still friendly even in those conditions hahaha. I do love Iwa.  
> Most of the stuff about Han is made up by me, like, there isn't any info about the guy.  
> About Tobi's capture. I am sure he did it for shits and giggles. He'd let them take him to some cell and he'd be like "Wow, I can't believe I got captured, you guys are super strong! Oh, look! It's a flying pig!" he'd point out at somewhere behind and kamui away.


End file.
